Spirit Moving Through Me When Not at School

Lots has been bubbling while I have been at school. I am off for five weeks now.

I was invited to the Traveling Ministries Consultation on Emerging Gifts of Gospel Ministry. I was excited to be invited to something for being myself. At one point I remarked to someone that it was weird not to have my parents with me. I am so used to being places with them but this is part of growing up, traveling by myself. It was so nice to have seasoned ministers and elders meeting with those of us coming into the work.

The hardest thing I worked with was trying to figure out how to get the support I need while I am not living near my meeting of membership, Santa Cruz. When given the chance to ask questions in the large group I put a question in about how to get support when away from our homes meeting. When we introduced ourselves the first night a lot of us said we were from one meeting but worshiping somewhere else. As a group we had a hard time figuring out how to get support that was face to face. People recommended email and phone conversations on a regular basis, but this does not generate the personal connection that I am longing for with the people I am living with. I was glad to hear that people said approved of phone conversations because I feel like I am always on my phone talking to someone who is not at school. I am going to start having regular phone conversations with some of my closest friends.

I realized early in the weekend that I need to get a support committee at Guilford who will hold me accountable and help me figure out what I want to be doing in my life, in particularly while I am at school. I am not getting a lot of the spiritual support I am looking for so hopefully this committee will help me be grounded while I am at school. We have not met yet but I hope that we will start meeting on a regular basis once we get back from winter break. The committee is made up of two Quaker Leadership staff members and one of my peers on the committee.

On Saturday night a Friend gave ministry on remembering to love our meetings, not only the ones we are members of but also the ones we are worshipping in. I am so glad for this reminder because it is not easy to remember to love people while we are traveling. I have been struggling with the idea that I am not in Santa Cruz anymore but want to be connected. I have asked for a minute of sojourn for Friendship Meeting in Greensboro, which has been approved and I can see sometime in the next year or two joining that meeting. How do we be part of a meeting when we now we will be there for a few years, but will not be going home to our home meetings?

Another thing that I learned from this weekend is that I need to debrief with someone when coming back to school from a spiritual retreat. It happened that the first leg of my trip was with some friends so we got to hang out after the workshop and that made it easier to come back to school, even if it was only for a week.

I am excited to say I have been traveling and see spirit working in me while I am traveling. Hope spirit is working through you as well.

Whirlpool of Love

This weekend I went to a wedding and gave ministry where I talked about being caught in the whirlpool of love and joy. There has only been one time while at school that I have felt caught in a whirlpool of loving support.

How can I create this love at school? How can I create the community for this to come from? How can I have time to connect with people so I can feel the love?

Part of this weekend was a check-in with my spiritual community that started on the West Coast. This check in was powerful because it gave me a chance to center down farther than while at school because I know people will be able to support me. I am a little scared here at school to get this centered because I feel like people will not be able to support me while I am in this place.

How can that Whirlpool of Love support me from a far?

School

I am finally three weeks into school and getting a hang of my schedule. Work is not stressing me out that much mostly because I am a few days ahead from working this weekend. I am excited about all my classes.

I am taking a History of Religion in America class which is looking at Native American religion and beliefs and how other religions then entered the continent. I am also taking a Quakerism class on social testimonies. I am not so excited about this class other than it is giving space to read some good Quaker books that I have wanted to read for a year or two. It is nice to be reading them and then having class discussions but I am not sure what I am getting out of this class yet.

My favorite two classes are English and a class called "narrative and the creation of self."
For english I am writing a paper on something important to me: community. The essay is a collage of stories around my year at Pendle Hill. It is nice to have time to reflect on my year and get a nice write up of the year and what I am taking away from it.
I am hoping to take some tips on how to make my blog/ writing better out of both my narative and english classes. The narrative class right now is looking at how we define ourselves through different types of writing. So next week I have to write my life story in four or five pages and then I will rewrite it as a myth and fairy tale later in the semester.

Social life is fun here at college but it is hard to stay a way from parties and people being harsh because they are drunk. In my world there would not be miss use of alcohol and other drugs.

This is a quick update and hopefully I will have more time soon to do a more in depth and spiritual update.

Love
Rebecca

Quaker Leadership Scholars Program

On Monday I arrived at Guilford College to start my freshman orientation. I had to be here a few days early so that I could get to know my year level in the Quaker Leadership Scholars Program (QLSP).

The first activity we did as a group after getting to know each other was a game called Agree or Disagree. In this game a bunch of questions are asked and everyone answers them for themselves. Most of our questions were questions about our faith. All the questions were on a scale. One of the things I noticed was that I was one of the few kids who were not in the clump of people. On theological questions about the bible or christocentric language I was one of the few people who was excepting. It was interesting for me to realize how comfortable I felt when answering some of the questions.

Afterwards we had a discussion about how the experience felt to us. I liked the activity and said so but then at the end I had one other piece of ministry that had a risen for me. At one point Max Carter had commented that my dad was one place higher then him on one of the conversations. He did it straight to be because he was playing around with me. But I had to bring it to peoples minds that we are in college and college is a time for people to figure out who they are as an adult. It was nice to say that because then I felt like I was letting the labels of my parents off my back even though I do like to identify with that.

I am glad that I had some extra time here to get to know QLSP and I can't wait to get to class so that I can get to know this group even more.

School Flag

My new school this year has every graduating class make a flag that is then hung in alumni hall with the class picture. I took sewing the second semester and was pulled into the class flag project. It was a lot of fun but quite stressful because there was a deadline and lots to get done. We finished the flag with minutes to go before it needed to be put on a truck and taken to Villanova for graduation.

Then we had to talk about the flag and unveil it because it is a secret. The class voted from four different options but only a few of us new what the design was and what the finished product looked like.

This project was a lot of fun and taught me a lot about different sewing techniques.

Home? What is Home to a Traveler?

Where is home?

This has been the query of my year. Now that I have been back to California I am wondering where home truly is. All year I have used the word home in context to mean both California and Pennsylvania. Now I wonder if Santa Cruz is home. I have felt like a visitor this week and it is true that I am, but at the same time I feel at home because I know where everything is, almost better than my friends.

I spent a full day up at Quaker Center last weekend. It was wonderful to be on the property and have no plans. I spent the morning at the Labyrinth and got to see the sky light up. I was so glad that I had spent some time to welcome the day and just be in nature. Nature is such a key part of my life and sometimes I forget to welcome it into my day. Then I spent the rest of the day hanging out in the office and in the orchard. Two key parts of my life when I was growing up. Having time to reconnect with the property was key because I did not realize how much I missed it until I was there.

Home is such a relative idea that I don't know how to deal with it. When I say home here on the west coast I mean Wallingford PA. It is so strange to here this. Maybe coming back is letting me close the chapter of my life that I did not finish last year. Last year I didn't tell a lot of people I was moving and now that I have seen everyone and said goodbye and see them graduate maybe I have moved on and Home is now Wallingford.

Where is Home? Wherever I feel my life is based and now it feels like Pendle Hill is my Home in Wallingford PA

Ministry for Pendle Hill

I have found that this year at Pendle Hill has let me be spiritually grounded.

For the Spring Terms Festival Week, I had a leading to give a presentation and when it came time to turn in my form that said I wanted to I asked two friends to sit with me and check my leading. It was clear that I had been a key part of the community and that I was supposed to give some report but I was not sure what. I turned in my form and I sat with the idea for almost two weeks before I had to give my presentation.

My presentation was on Thursday and I had to finish High School finals that same week so I was glad that the presentation was on Thursday because that meant that all I had to worry about on Thursday was the presentation. When I got home on Wednesday and was finally done with finals and High School other than graduation stuff I found some time to sit in silence and prepare. I had thought hard for two weeks about my experience at Pendle Hill and had broken down the three terms.
Fall Term
school and teens
Winter Term
get to know community and become a full time community member who also had to go to school, senoritis falls into my school work as well as not having a lot of homework.
Spring Term
deepening conversations and self examination through other relationships I formed

On Wednesday evening one of the presentation was to have an evening meeting for worship at 10 pm. I was stoked to have the opportunity to worship in the Barn at night and be with these lovely people. I walked into worship and helped set up and was totally prepared to have a young persons worship. Then when the roomed filled with just about as many older community members as younger I was excited. We all settled quickly and it was some of the most centered worship I have experienced while at Pendle Hill. After about fifteen minutes, I had ministry to give but it is what I am supposed to say in the morning during my presentation so I tried to look past it and see if there is something for this group now. There was not ministry for the whole group but there is something for a participant so I held on to my ministry.

When worship was broken we had some worship sharing about the experience of having worship at ten at night and not in the morning even though it was in the same room. It was nice to hear everyone’s thoughts that they liked the room and that almost everyone agreed that spirit was present even though no one talked for the whole half an hour. After worship sharing people just hung out in a worshipful state. We sang songs and played campfire like games. I was glad to be in the presence with others but was not in a space to participate in more rowdy activities. I was fully present to myself. I was trying to stay centered with my idea that my year at Pendle Hill was less than a week away from being done.

Finally the group started to break up and I got to talk to the person I needed and I headed to bed not needing to spend anytime on my presentation because it was ready as long as I could stay centered for the next ten hours.

I got up on Thursday and went to breakfast so that I would be awake and present to the community while I was presenting. Next was worship. Worship was a challenge for me. I made the correct decision to pick who I was going to sit next to because I wanted to make sure they could help me stay centered during worship if I got distracted. I never really centered during worship until five minutes before it ended. Once I was centered I wanted to stay that way until my presentation so I did not pay attention to announcements. I became aggravated with how long announcements were taking towards the end and it took my friend Therese to calm me down and reassure me that I would get the time I needed to give my presentation. The last announcement of the morning was that our dear Ann was leaving before worship on Friday so we needed to sing the goodbye song this morning. I choose not to stand up and join the community, but instead stayed sitting and put my head down. I did join in on the song as I was lead but it took a while for me to be okay with the fact that the song was being sung and I wanted to be getting ready for my presentation.

After the song was done some friends helped me get the room prepared by moving the benches closer and then making sure I was okay. I was and I was ready for people to come hear me present. I asked Therese if she would be willing to sit with me on the facing bench and be my time keeper so that all I had to focus on was being faithful.


Presentation
I started in worship and people joined me. Out of the silence, I introduced my game plan of continuing in worship and me speaking out of silence as I was called and at the end I would shake hands and we would make a circle. I wanted to be able to settle back into worship and check what I was supposed to be saying as the presentation went. This was very helpful for me because I felt held as I was presenting.

I settled back into worship and then when I was fully centered I read a poem. I had written the poem for someone else but it seemed relevant to my experience at Pendle Hill and how I am feeling about life.

After reading the poem I dropped back into worship and then started talking about identity and who I am. I am part of the community even if I am not a student. I talked about the idea that the community helped me become an adult. I took a step away from my family. During the year I moved away from being part of the Sullivan Clan and I became Rebecca Sullivan a community member of Pendle Hill whose father has brought her to here.

Then, I ended by reading another poem and looked at a third and read one stanza that popped out. After reading the poems, I took another few minutes to settle back into worship before I ended with the shaking of hands.

I felt centered the whole time and I was full with joy that I had made a mark at Pendle Hill and was able to feel like I was wrapping up my year at Pendle Hill. Pendle Hill is my home but it is not going to feel the same when I go home because the community won't be the same.

-----
Here are the poems in the order I read them. I wrote them on October 8, 2006 while at Pendle Hill but dealing with not being in what I then called home(Santa Cruz CA). It was nice to look back and see what I was dealing with and how it still related to my life six months later and that it would probably always relate because we are always transitioning.

Experiences

We don't get to let ourselves leave
We just move on and build up
We are made up o four experiences

Our new experiences maybe good
and may be bad
Our new experiences are what
let us grow
We are made up of our experiences

We have to live with our choices
We learn from our choices
Our choices make up our experiences

No one other than ourselves
Can truly understand who we are
Some of our experiences are external
some are internal
We are make up of our experiences

New Area of You

There is a new area of you
You are growing
You are letting go
You are moving on
You are in a new transition

There is a new area of you
You need us
We need you
You need you

There is a new area of you
Be gentle
Seek for guidance
Let yourself go
Follow your leading

There is a new area of you
Do not forget your past
Do not forget your present
Do not forget who you are

Let Yourself Be
(forth stanza only)
Connect to what is meaningful
Connect to your true friends
Connect to your acquaintances
Connect to yourself

College Here I Come II

I made my decision almost six weeks ago now but my life has been really busy and I have not had much extra time. I will be going to Guilford College next year. I will part of the Quaker Leadership Scholars Program which will give me a Quaker frame work to live in and a community from the start.

This summer I will be in California starting in six days so hopefully i will be able to give an update from there soon because that is the next time I will be able to breath because i graduate from high school on Friday as well as it being Pendle Hill's spring term festival week.

your quick update from Pendle Hill
Love
rebecca

Pendle Hill

Pendle Hill is such a nice place to live. I now have been here just about six months.

Two weeks ago was the end of the second term. The last week of every term we have Festival Week, which is a time for students to give presentations about what they have been working on during the term. I found myself not wanting to go to school because I wanted to see students presentations. It is so hard to be a community member who is not always around because so much is going on during the day when I am at High School.

During Festival Week, I had three hour delays for school so I was able to take advantage of Meeting for Worship every morning at 8:30. I love Meeting for Worship at Pendle Hill because it gives me chance to start the day off with the community.

Some of the presentation I got to go to were on Palestine, Grieving as a Community, Programmed Meeting for Worship, and music sharing. It was nice to see how much people had grown while here at Pendle Hill.

Palestine

The person talking about Palestine had been denied entry in August and had only recently found a way to talk about it so she was sharing her experience with the community.

Grieving as a community was the post powerful for me. It started off by two students reading a certain Psalm they had struggled with and where now having a dialogue with it. I had never thought of having this dialogue while reading the Bible. We learned so much about these people and got to see how they had been able to move on with their life.

Afterwards we settled into worship for half an hour and people were able to grieve as a community. It was such a community builder because it let people show the emotions they usually hold back.

Programmed Meeting for Worship
I had never taken part in a Programmed meeting so I was hesitant to the idea and was interested to realize that I was willing to participate fully. I entered the Meeting for Worship being willing not to sing all the songs and maybe having to translate the Bible so that I would be able to relate it to my life but instead I was able to hear the Bible reading for what it was and take the message fully and relate it to my life.
The message was about how Age, Class, Race, Gender, ect. don't matter; God will be able to see through it and is willing to give the message to whoever. This has been a big issue for me and I have needed to remind myself and others that because I am under 18 God does not filter the messages God gives me.

Music Sharing
Two students have been working on their music while at Pendle Hill. One has been working on a CD he released this last week. It was nice to hear some of the new songs. The other student has not been able to make music for three years and he finally was able to share with us last term and this term he had three new songs. He is thinking of starting to record under another name. It was nice to see both students share their music and see what happens when they are at home or in the recording studio.

Mid Winter Gathering

I spent this weekend with Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered and Queer Concerns. It was so much fun. I felt like it was truly a leading to go. I was taking part with the adults as felt lead as well as my own age group. It was exciting to get to see all these friends that are part of my up bringing while I am at Friends General Conference.

I learned that sometimes we need to come away from a situation with spirit and look at it a different way. Spirit is not always going to allow us to get through a conflict our normal way. Sometimes conflicts need to be dealt differently.

College Decision Not Yet Clear

I have made it into both Earlham and Guilford. I decided not to apply to Oberlin because I had already heard back from Guilford by the time I needed to apply to Oberlin and
Earlham.

I am have applied for the Quaker Leadership Scholars Program at Guilford and am going to wait to see which school has a better calling for me.

I have seen both school now and I am sitting with God feeling like I will know which school is better for me at some point in the next two months.

College Continued

Hi all

I have been really busy recently between getting into college and school. The good news is that I have gotten into Guilford College with a scholarship and more options ahead. The not so good news is that I have a few more weeks before I hear from Earlham.

I am starting to feel homesick now that it has been four months. Moving and getting used to a new area is so hard. I have not been so faithful at getting to meeting because I have been lead to stay at home and have some a lone time.

I hope that your new year goes better than mine has since I am out of sports for at least another week with a sprained ankle.

peace
Rebecca

ps I am loving the messages others are giving even though I am not writing some of my own.