School Flag

My new school this year has every graduating class make a flag that is then hung in alumni hall with the class picture. I took sewing the second semester and was pulled into the class flag project. It was a lot of fun but quite stressful because there was a deadline and lots to get done. We finished the flag with minutes to go before it needed to be put on a truck and taken to Villanova for graduation.

Then we had to talk about the flag and unveil it because it is a secret. The class voted from four different options but only a few of us new what the design was and what the finished product looked like.

This project was a lot of fun and taught me a lot about different sewing techniques.

Home? What is Home to a Traveler?

Where is home?

This has been the query of my year. Now that I have been back to California I am wondering where home truly is. All year I have used the word home in context to mean both California and Pennsylvania. Now I wonder if Santa Cruz is home. I have felt like a visitor this week and it is true that I am, but at the same time I feel at home because I know where everything is, almost better than my friends.

I spent a full day up at Quaker Center last weekend. It was wonderful to be on the property and have no plans. I spent the morning at the Labyrinth and got to see the sky light up. I was so glad that I had spent some time to welcome the day and just be in nature. Nature is such a key part of my life and sometimes I forget to welcome it into my day. Then I spent the rest of the day hanging out in the office and in the orchard. Two key parts of my life when I was growing up. Having time to reconnect with the property was key because I did not realize how much I missed it until I was there.

Home is such a relative idea that I don't know how to deal with it. When I say home here on the west coast I mean Wallingford PA. It is so strange to here this. Maybe coming back is letting me close the chapter of my life that I did not finish last year. Last year I didn't tell a lot of people I was moving and now that I have seen everyone and said goodbye and see them graduate maybe I have moved on and Home is now Wallingford.

Where is Home? Wherever I feel my life is based and now it feels like Pendle Hill is my Home in Wallingford PA

Ministry for Pendle Hill

I have found that this year at Pendle Hill has let me be spiritually grounded.

For the Spring Terms Festival Week, I had a leading to give a presentation and when it came time to turn in my form that said I wanted to I asked two friends to sit with me and check my leading. It was clear that I had been a key part of the community and that I was supposed to give some report but I was not sure what. I turned in my form and I sat with the idea for almost two weeks before I had to give my presentation.

My presentation was on Thursday and I had to finish High School finals that same week so I was glad that the presentation was on Thursday because that meant that all I had to worry about on Thursday was the presentation. When I got home on Wednesday and was finally done with finals and High School other than graduation stuff I found some time to sit in silence and prepare. I had thought hard for two weeks about my experience at Pendle Hill and had broken down the three terms.
Fall Term
school and teens
Winter Term
get to know community and become a full time community member who also had to go to school, senoritis falls into my school work as well as not having a lot of homework.
Spring Term
deepening conversations and self examination through other relationships I formed

On Wednesday evening one of the presentation was to have an evening meeting for worship at 10 pm. I was stoked to have the opportunity to worship in the Barn at night and be with these lovely people. I walked into worship and helped set up and was totally prepared to have a young persons worship. Then when the roomed filled with just about as many older community members as younger I was excited. We all settled quickly and it was some of the most centered worship I have experienced while at Pendle Hill. After about fifteen minutes, I had ministry to give but it is what I am supposed to say in the morning during my presentation so I tried to look past it and see if there is something for this group now. There was not ministry for the whole group but there is something for a participant so I held on to my ministry.

When worship was broken we had some worship sharing about the experience of having worship at ten at night and not in the morning even though it was in the same room. It was nice to hear everyone’s thoughts that they liked the room and that almost everyone agreed that spirit was present even though no one talked for the whole half an hour. After worship sharing people just hung out in a worshipful state. We sang songs and played campfire like games. I was glad to be in the presence with others but was not in a space to participate in more rowdy activities. I was fully present to myself. I was trying to stay centered with my idea that my year at Pendle Hill was less than a week away from being done.

Finally the group started to break up and I got to talk to the person I needed and I headed to bed not needing to spend anytime on my presentation because it was ready as long as I could stay centered for the next ten hours.

I got up on Thursday and went to breakfast so that I would be awake and present to the community while I was presenting. Next was worship. Worship was a challenge for me. I made the correct decision to pick who I was going to sit next to because I wanted to make sure they could help me stay centered during worship if I got distracted. I never really centered during worship until five minutes before it ended. Once I was centered I wanted to stay that way until my presentation so I did not pay attention to announcements. I became aggravated with how long announcements were taking towards the end and it took my friend Therese to calm me down and reassure me that I would get the time I needed to give my presentation. The last announcement of the morning was that our dear Ann was leaving before worship on Friday so we needed to sing the goodbye song this morning. I choose not to stand up and join the community, but instead stayed sitting and put my head down. I did join in on the song as I was lead but it took a while for me to be okay with the fact that the song was being sung and I wanted to be getting ready for my presentation.

After the song was done some friends helped me get the room prepared by moving the benches closer and then making sure I was okay. I was and I was ready for people to come hear me present. I asked Therese if she would be willing to sit with me on the facing bench and be my time keeper so that all I had to focus on was being faithful.


Presentation
I started in worship and people joined me. Out of the silence, I introduced my game plan of continuing in worship and me speaking out of silence as I was called and at the end I would shake hands and we would make a circle. I wanted to be able to settle back into worship and check what I was supposed to be saying as the presentation went. This was very helpful for me because I felt held as I was presenting.

I settled back into worship and then when I was fully centered I read a poem. I had written the poem for someone else but it seemed relevant to my experience at Pendle Hill and how I am feeling about life.

After reading the poem I dropped back into worship and then started talking about identity and who I am. I am part of the community even if I am not a student. I talked about the idea that the community helped me become an adult. I took a step away from my family. During the year I moved away from being part of the Sullivan Clan and I became Rebecca Sullivan a community member of Pendle Hill whose father has brought her to here.

Then, I ended by reading another poem and looked at a third and read one stanza that popped out. After reading the poems, I took another few minutes to settle back into worship before I ended with the shaking of hands.

I felt centered the whole time and I was full with joy that I had made a mark at Pendle Hill and was able to feel like I was wrapping up my year at Pendle Hill. Pendle Hill is my home but it is not going to feel the same when I go home because the community won't be the same.

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Here are the poems in the order I read them. I wrote them on October 8, 2006 while at Pendle Hill but dealing with not being in what I then called home(Santa Cruz CA). It was nice to look back and see what I was dealing with and how it still related to my life six months later and that it would probably always relate because we are always transitioning.

Experiences

We don't get to let ourselves leave
We just move on and build up
We are made up o four experiences

Our new experiences maybe good
and may be bad
Our new experiences are what
let us grow
We are made up of our experiences

We have to live with our choices
We learn from our choices
Our choices make up our experiences

No one other than ourselves
Can truly understand who we are
Some of our experiences are external
some are internal
We are make up of our experiences

New Area of You

There is a new area of you
You are growing
You are letting go
You are moving on
You are in a new transition

There is a new area of you
You need us
We need you
You need you

There is a new area of you
Be gentle
Seek for guidance
Let yourself go
Follow your leading

There is a new area of you
Do not forget your past
Do not forget your present
Do not forget who you are

Let Yourself Be
(forth stanza only)
Connect to what is meaningful
Connect to your true friends
Connect to your acquaintances
Connect to yourself

College Here I Come II

I made my decision almost six weeks ago now but my life has been really busy and I have not had much extra time. I will be going to Guilford College next year. I will part of the Quaker Leadership Scholars Program which will give me a Quaker frame work to live in and a community from the start.

This summer I will be in California starting in six days so hopefully i will be able to give an update from there soon because that is the next time I will be able to breath because i graduate from high school on Friday as well as it being Pendle Hill's spring term festival week.

your quick update from Pendle Hill
Love
rebecca