Poems/ Songs of the Week

Disarm by Smashing Pumpkins

Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn

I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my choice
Whats a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you

Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one whos left alone
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn

I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my voice
Whats a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you

The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you

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This song reminds me that I am still a child and I should use it as I have it. I wish there was a way for me to become a child again or at least be ale to communicate with more people my own age. I do not know why it is so hared, but it seams like I have different priorities than those my age. I want to understand why I am learning and want to be educated so that I can take part in conversations about the world and politics. The world is important to me, but I do not understand why we have to go to college to make money and be educated. If we went back to the old ways and learned form our parents what was happening in the world I would feel more prepared for the world inform of me. I know vary few people who are still working with what they majored in on less they are a teacher.

Pacific Yearly Meeting

So on August 2nd at yearly meeting a jumped a lot of loop holes for my yearly meeting.

First I actually prayed from my knees and then I clerked the adult plenary.

Wednesday night was Pacific Yearly Meetings Youth Plenary and I and the other five people that were part of Koinonia were asked to seed the meeting. The seeding was very meaning full for me. I knew that was very spiritually settled since Tony Prete had talked the day before and Koinia had held Kristina in the light the night before for her talk. So being asked for our tight knit group share was an honor.

We met with multiple people about how we wanted the plenary to run including the idea that we were going to go at the youth pace which meant we could have been there all night. Because we had everyone from the age of 8 months to the nineties we had to set some limit so we decided that we would end at 10 and let the plenary last for three hours if that was what we were lead to do.

So we opened with people arriving at 6:45 and the Koinonia group sitting in worship after settling. At about 6:45 before plenary had started I was lead to give the Koinonia group a prayer from my knees to open it for us. While I was on my knees the clerk opened the meeting and had to quick items of business and I just continued until I was done even though the rest of the group was just gathering.

Once the clerk was done with his business he handed it over to Diego and Diego introduced Koinonia and the process that we were going to follow and again warning people that plenary could go to 10 o'clock.

Then we settled down into worship and I felt like I needed to do the same prayer with small variations so not to talk about other people to the whole plenary. This prayer lead into what struck me from Koinonia, how much we had become a small group that was deeply connected. We became connected through our daily check-ins were everything was free game and no one really kept anything to themselves. It was at check-in that the true feeling came out and where at the same time we bonded.

Then Darcy and Hank talked about their favorite or most intriguing parts: Meeting for Healing and working at the soup kitchen.

After this we settled into worship and for about half an hour we heard from adults. When I felt like we were moving to fast I would motion to Zac and he would wait a little while before he let the next person speak. It was nice to hear what the adults had to say but what we were trying to do was let the younger people talk.

Finally after Zac asked a few people to sit down and let the younger people have time to figure out what they wanted to say we had our first Young Adult stand. This Young Friend talked about how she really did not know where she belonged in our community. She was too old for Junior Yearly Meeting but she did not feel connected to the Young Friends. The people she connected with the most were not at Yearly Meeting and so she did not really know where she was in the mass of the yearly meeting.

Once she was done and totally in tears Darcy and I went over to her and invited her into the group. It sort of set up the room for people to be willing to tell what was on their minds and teens and young friends were all of a sudden open and willing to tell the adults how hard it was to be a teen this year. All the Junior Yearly Meeting teens talked about how the unity and community they were used to seeing was not here this last year. They did not really understand why but it was not there for them.

When I first heard someone say that I went straight to myself and blamed it on me because I was still the age to be in that group and I had left them to deal by themselves and they did not have adults helping. But then my second response was that no it was not my fault, I tried to help them and gave them all the help I could from the position I was.

When teens opened up some of us from the group in the front would go get them and their friends around them and bring them into the front circle. Finally the circle was cleared and it was all teens and I gave it over.

At first once their were about twelve other people I felt like we were changing the environment and that I did not want to have so many people up front but then I let it go so that God could work his magic.

I was still standing in the front and setting the pace but I did not feel like I was part of the support community I was just the one in the front holding the space and observing what was happening to the Junior Yearly Meeting Community along with all the other people in the room.

Finally we hit 10 o'clock and I took the microphone and told people it was 10 and that it was time for us to close but that I wish we could have gone on. I asked for our minutes to be read. (They are the attached minutes now because they were really long and complete so the clerk asked me if he could make them an attachment.) After the minutes were read one JYMer said that he felt there was a major barrier in the room. There were those in the front and those in the back and he wanted everyone to be in the front like we were one big community. So we ended at 10:40 with about 100 people standing in a circle/ mosh pit but it took us about 10 or 15 minutes to be willing to leave that circle.

It was extremely powerful to have children under the age of 13 be in the room. I thought it was a good example for them on how powerful plenary can be and what they are growing up into.

I have to give Robin M. and Chris M.'s kids the award for the youngest kids to stay. They stayed until 10 and right before they left I gave them each a hug and thanked them personally for staying the whole time and being attentive even if they were talking and playing.

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This whole experience was very powerful for me and it has taken me two weeks to even be able to start writing about it and this blog took about three weeks to write.

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JYM – Junior Yearly Meeting – High School aged teens

Young Friends is after JYM and until you are 35 but our oldest is under 30.

The lines at Pacific Yearly Meeting are not firm so when you feel ready you move up. This year I moved up to the adults and did not participate much in either JYM or Young Friends.

Arrived in Pennsylvania

Yes, my family has made it to Pennsylvania and we are almost unpacked. We are at the next stage in moving, Dad starts his job tomorrow and Grace and I start going to school.

The big things are to come in our life. Not only do we all start our new beginings my mom is going to be out of town this week traveling and so it will just be three of us again.

I will be doing a little bit more of an update later including my Yearly Meeting experience sometime in the next week hopefully.

i have put up some photos of Koinonia and of our travels across some states on Flickr.

peace
rebeccca